Being emotionally unavailable is not intentional for any person. Society has become too judgmental for a man today. And to make it worse, emotionally unavailable men are getting a rough ride trying to be understood.

Emotionally detached men desperately want to connect with lovers, family, and friends in a very real way, but often they have no model of what that looks like and how to do it.

Remember, being emotionally available is nothing to do with love, but it’s all about conditioning and a choice to continue in that state or to change it.

Emotionally unavailable men desperately want to be available and feel that connection, but the fear and learned coping strategies get in the way. It is different from women the way men are expected to be emotionally available because of society’s conditioning. Another factor is men encounter relational bonding differently than women.

What is required of men who are emotionally unavailable is not just about sharing emotions; it’s about sincerity to their partners and to themselves, where he is expressively at the moment and sustaining that connection with his partner, instead of presenting it as “everything is okay.”

Men being emotionally available is not about oversharing or being expressive for the sake of it. It is about building a connection in an authentic way by expressing what is relevant, knowing your personal traits that avoid you expressing freely and being available. At the start it is very bumpy, difficult and even foreign for a man who grew not knowing how to be sensitively available.

What spouses and wives need to understand is no one can lead emotionally unavailable men to availability, not even them the men are in love with. Some men were born with it, then life happened, and they developed coping strategies.

It is the emotionally unavailable men themselves who can change this. Remember, being emotionally available is nothing to do with love, but it’s all about conditioning and a choice to continue in that state or to change it.

What lies under a man being emotional unavailable is the fear of rejection, not being good enough, and hurt. By moving into a more authentic and available space, we feel more emotion and create deeper connections with ourselves and with others.

Emotionally Unavailable Men and Relationships

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man

1. Moves Into Sexual Phase of the Relationship Quickly: When dating to build relationships, emotionally unavailable men will move into the sexual phase of the relationship quickly, but not just because they want sex, but because they want to do the beginning of relationships quickly, and really well, so as to bypass the discomfort and natural rhythm of intimacy as a way to avoid being open.

2. Blames Others: Men who don’t recognize the impact they’ve had on the demise of a friendship or relationship. They point fingers and avoid blame on themselves.

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You can watch this video from sexyconfidence.com about Emotionally Unavailable man.

3. Is Afraid of Developing Intimacy

Relationships need you and your partner to talk about the insecurities, ugly truths, etc. An emotionally unavailable man will try to bypass this because it feels too unsafe, too ugly, or too unsure. They may even label it as limiting because society stereo types doesn’t allow men to explore those emotions let alone show them.

4. Treats People as Less Than

Treats people differently because he sees them as less important. Sees the waiter, the barman, a friend’s friend who doesn’t have connections as less important. He feels this way because he is always assessing and not actually experiencing.

Men encounter relational bonding differently than women Click To Tweet

5. Life Is All About Them

Men who assert that it’s all about their needs, feelings, wants even in relation to others. It’s good to know your needs, wants, and feelings. However, in relation to others, it’s about matching your wants, needs, feelings with your partners. If you do this, you are self-absorbed with your feelings, needs, and agenda in relation to your partner’s.

6. Perfectionists

They are perfectionists, so since they are hurt and insecure, they’re trying to avoid vulnerability and insecurity believing it comes with being open. They see others are never good enough.

They can disappear for long periods with no regular contact, even after a seemingly intimate weekend. They can utter an “I love you,” but act in a way that is unloving.

7. Admits the Truth but Never Change

May admit he is no good in relationships or is always loosing friends, but is not attempting to change that behavior.

8. Doesn’t Take Time to Know You

A man who is quick to flatter and compliment you without really knowing you. Often, emotionally unavailable men do charming things as opposed to being charming and are adept at communicating and appearing enthusiastic and enthralled. Their focus is on short-term intimacy.

9. Elusive Contact

Emotionally unavailable men have an elusive conduct—they seem to be available only when convenient for them. Their partner’s requests for more time with them are met with excuses about how hard they’re working or how tired they feel.

They can disappear for long periods with no regular contact, even after a seemingly intimate weekend. They can utter an “I love you,” but act in a way that is unloving.

10. Character

Have a big ego, try to win favor by bragging about who they are or what they have, are filled with conceit.

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